Comedian Richard Belzer co-stars in Law and Order: Special Victims Unit.
Q: How much Law and Order can a person take?
A: I eventually see a Law and Order channel. Law and Order: Special Victims Unit, Law and Order Breakfast, Law and Order at Night…
Q: Since you’ve been playing a cop, do you get fewer tickets?
A: I cannot get arrested. It’s “Oh, Mr. Belzer, you ran over that guy. Do you mind just backing up so we can move the body?”
Q: What’s with the sunglasses all the time, buddy? The ’80s are over.
A: I’ve been wearing sunglasses since the ’50s. I had black diapers. I was the first filthy, foul-mouthed counterculture comedian! I was the first guy to wear shades! I was the first guy!
Q: You worked for the Census. Was that for money or to meet single moms?
A: It was to meet single moms with money. It was just a job. This one guy locked me in a house because he thought I was a government agent.
Q: You found a guy more paranoid than you?
A: Exactly. We’re lifelong friends now.
Q: You’re on your third wife. Did you first see her naked in real life or in Playboy?
A: I probably saw her in the magazine, not knowing I would meet her a few years later. I vaguely remember the issue. Because I just buy it for the articles.
Q: Your wife’s name is Harlee McBride. What’s her real name?
A: Her real name is Harlee McSchwartz. She changed it. What do you mean, “her real name”? You never ask anyone that.
Q: Harlee, though.
A: What do you mean “Harlee, though?”
Q: I don’t see parents coming up with Harlee with two e’s.
A: All right, man. You know, I’ve had it with you.
–By Joel Stein
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